Smartphones are great. Their built-in cameras enable parents to capture video and photos of things that we normally wouldn’t have the ability to capture. Think of all the first steps, words, and cute moments that have would have otherwise been left unphotographed or unrecorded. Thanks to smartphones, babies born today are the most documented in the history of the human race. That’s great for the parents, but can unfortunately be painful for the adults around them. Because, also thanks to smartphones, parents have entire media libraries at their fingertips. Gone are the days when dad would have to set up a slide projector and screen in order to bore a table full of people out of their wits. Why just tell the story about “the big hysterical spaghetti hat” when you can whip out a smartphone and show a picture?
I was recently subjected to a dad’s multi-media storytelling about his child that included ten minutes of shaky (isn’t it always shaky?) video and over twenty photos. The episode started off innocently enough. He was talking about some trip they went on together (details are left vague in the interest of maintaining the friendship). I nodded and was genuinely interested in my friend’s videos – for the first sixty seconds.
But the videos went on and on – for a full ten minutes! Every time I started to pull away, steer the conversation in another direction, or focus on something more interesting like the pattern of uneaten risotto on my plate, he’d shove the phone under my nose and say, “This next part is great. Watch this. It’s coming up!” Then, ten seconds later, “It’s coming up!”
I thought about all the people in the world who have been subjected to KMO (Kid Media Overload) and, based on an informal polling process of other parents, I pulled together this handy chart to help people understand the minimum required viewing of photos and videos of other people’s kids – based on their relationship to the parent.
Now, there are certainly variations to these guidelines and other factors can come into play: geographical location, frequency of sharing, quality of the photography or cinematography, objective cuteness/humor of the kid or the situation. That’s why they are guidelines and not rules!
Certainly, its a reminder to all parents (myself included) need to remember that your kids are never as interesting, cute, and watchable to other people as they are to you. Sharing is nice. Over sharing is irresponsible.
You know what my knitting circle is missing? Awkward anatomy lessons. Why knit a boring old hat, scarf, or sweater, when you can knit a uterus! Well, follow the link for full plans to knit an “anatomically correct” uterus. You can hang it from the tree and imagine uterus fruit, as this picture so wonderfully demonstrates.
For kids who like bugs and snot, this is the perfect handkerchief. I love the look of this design, spotted it over at babygadget.com. Who am I fooling? I really just want this handkerchief for myself. Because, yes, I like beetles and always examine my snot after a solid nose blow. What a nice thing to share with that teary lady next to you at a wedding.
This nightmare-inducing disembodied hand is actually designed to comfort babies. This “crib mounted baby soothing device” by Antonietta Batula patented in 2002 seems better suited to terrify and traumatize or even spank. Gee, I wonder why this product never made it to market. Still, it’s good for a laugh. Sorry Antonietta. Maybe you should try other soothing devices, like a disembodied clown’s head to mount on the end of a crib.
How many times have you wanted to get a tissue, but that box is on the other end of the room but you are oh so tired and can’t quite get up so you decide to just use your sleeve? Well, if you’re me, then lots. But imagine a technology that could bring you that tissue through minimal physical exertion. Well, with the RC tissue box, imagine no more. Handy. So the next time your germ infested spouse asks you to pass them a tissue, you can just send her the whole box from the safety of the other side of the living room.
Another Daily What reblog. But this Viagra ring was too funny to resist. If you don’t need it yet, someday ya will. (Hopefully not too soon!) [Dadjunk does not condone the recreational use of Viagra. This repost is for entertainment purposes only. It is not mean as an endorsement of any product or associated habits]
