Creepy Patented Crib Mounted Soothing Device

This nightmare-inducing disembodied hand  is actually designed to comfort babies. This “crib mounted baby soothing device” by Antonietta Batula patented in 2002 seems better suited to terrify and traumatize or even spank. Gee, I wonder why this product never made it to market. Still, it’s good for a laugh. Sorry Antonietta. Maybe you should try other soothing devices, like a disembodied clown’s head to mount on the end of a crib.

Before the Björn, earlier than the Ergo

5 old time baby carrier patents that show there has always been a desire for hands-free baby schlepping.

Beginning with William J. Sprong’s “Child Carrier”patented in 1915. This carrier was either made for a largely proportioned daddy or a tiny baby.

Four more patents here.

Before the Björn, earlier than the Ergo

5 old time baby carrier patents that show there has always been a desire for hands-free baby schlepping.

Beginning with William J. Sprong’s “Child Carrier” patented in 1915. This carrier was either made for a largely proportioned daddy or a tiny baby.

Four more patents here.

Baby Walker on Rails from 1900

Edward Firnhaber of Worms, Nebraska dreamed up this baby walker on a track back in 1900 when railroads were all the rage. The purpose of his “simple and efficient device” was to teach a baby to walk and move in a “predetermined confinement without annoyance or irritation.” Seems like a great way to learn how to walk – IN CIRCLES.

Ye Olde Kid Wearer Outer

Leon Bernadzikiewicz must have had an energetic kid back in 1913. His patented “run around the table until you pass out contraption”, also known as an “Exercising Device”, was either the work of parenting genius or an example of “outdated” cruelty to kids. As a plus, it doubled as a dining table. I wonder if it came with a matching Lazy Susan.